How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love

It’s exciting to encounter a book that is both immensely practical in its advice and also backed by serious principles from behavioral economics, social science, etc.! Although I’m now partnered up; until recently, I was on the dating market and I find that many things I did *well* in dating are similar to Ury’s suggestions. One part that I especially loved was her discussion of the pre-date ritual and how important it is to not have “resume exchanges” and to break the patterns that we can easily fall into on dates, where we fail to get to know the other person. Since getting the book, my partner and I actually have been reading it together and she has been sending the dating tendencies quiz to all of her friends. My partner made the mistake of telling a “Hesitator” that she needs to get out more and stop making excuses not to date— her Hesitator friend replied that dating tendencies are dumb! I’m not always a fan of typologies, but think that these tendencies do shed a lot of light on modern romance. Finally, Ury’s writing style and contemporaneous examples make this book a real treasure. For example, in the part about getting exes out of your mind(!), she warns against stalking on exes by looking at their Venmo transactions. (Haven’t we all been there??). This book is great and also makes a wonderful gift for anyone in the throes of dating or who feels like being nostalgic reading it with a current partner.

I enjoyed a lot of the information Logan shares in her book. Some of my favorite concepts she presents are to not slide through relationship milestones but to be intentional about them, do focused weekly check-ins with your partner (she gives you a framework for this), and when you first go on a date with someone pay attention to how they make you FEEL and what side of you do they bring out. Loved this!

This book offers clear, science-based advise on how to deal with different stages of finding and thriving in a relationship. From tips to get in the right focus to find a partner, to tips on how to meet them, how to decide whether to breakup or stay, and even how to keep a relationship in the long term. The practical advise/tools are very useful and the behavioral science backing them up is clear and simple. That being said, the book feels sometimes like a toolset to be used when needed. The line connecting the different chapters is weak as each stage seems to use a different theoretical approach. This makes the advise fragmented so something you use as needed rather than a perspective you can use continually. If your situation is a bit different from the one covered in the book, you might have little guidance. Also because of the lack of a common framework it is a bit hard to keep everything in mind as you read the book. Still it is useful as a toolset that covers most stages in romantic life from a rational science based perspective

I listened to the Audiobook first. I wanted to do the activities, too, so I purchased the actual book :) Logan Ury, the author, has a touch of sarcasm and a great sense of humor - my taste. I love how she breaks down each topic - the way she writes and puts things together (although, I've heard it elsewhere before) makes things more understandable & relatable. After reading the book, I started online dating with the intensions mentioned in the book - I feel like I am getting results quicker (as I play the numbers game). By knowing what to think before going in, I feel more prepared.

This has so many helpful topics for relationships. From attachment theory (and tendencies and how to recognize your own and partner's), relationships tendencies (I'm a maximizer!!), and differences between Hitchers and Ditchers and how to recognize and make conscious decisions (decide vs slide). I appreciate the practical information from online dating and meeting people (widen your filters), what *really* matters in a partner, and how to create meaningful dates rather than interviews (or interrogations!!). There is a section to help decide to end or mend the relationship (and how for each!), how to create deep, meaningful, conscious relationships (complete with break up, relationship, and marriage contracts created intentionally). I love the combination of exercises, scientific studies, and practical advice. I would highly recommend this to everyone! Even my parents (married 40+ years) can benefit from weekly check ins and intentional check ins. The author's sense of humor made me laugh out loud several times! Highly appreciated and recommended! Read it, apply it, and create the relationship you love!

A lot of dating advice is entirely general. This book has a lot of good general advice about how to evaluate the person in front of you. What this book has: - advice on how to avoid hookups - advice for evaluating your first/second dates - 3 ways your expectations could be wrong - and some general advice good LTR habits and traits - a small chapter on how to meet people IRL - advice on how to break up What this book does not have: - How to attract interest especially long term interest - How to advertise yourself - How to approach people - A single "straight male" example (she constantly references a homosexual man though) Now sure it's probably useful to know that I was definitely a "hesitater" for the past few years and evaluating people for their long term potential is surely a skill to have. But I am not regularly being swept off my feet by short term dating opportunities, the only people who are interested in nerdy software engineers in the first place are long term seekers. Genuinely in my experience with dating I only attract those who are looking for committed long term relationships, so very little of what this book has to offer is all that useful. My primary issue is not that I don't have a lot of value to provide a partner or that I am evaluating my dates incorrectly. It's entirely that I am not interacting with enough single women and have forgotten my college skills of turning chance encounters into dates. I was absolutely rolling my eyes as she recounted her tale of ignoring her now husband for years on end to chase after some sexy dude. I would absolutely love if a ton of women read this book, and the science-y high citation focus is great. But I guess I'll look for books written by male psychologists.

This book already has tons of reviews but I thoroughly enjoyed this book. The author thoughtfully created the chapters based on plenty of research and studies; as well as allowing you to really start wherever you feel you need to. This book gave me a sense of closure and peace. I wish the title of the book was a little less grim, so I could've read it out in public without cause for concern, however I managed to finish it within a day. A must read for those going through a break up, considering marriage, or just starting to date.

Good book