Resilient Grieving, Second Edition: How to Find Your Way Through Devastating Loss (Second Edition)

Being newly widowed, I've received a significant number of books on grieving. This book stands out, and in a very good way. It was written by Lucy Hone, PhD who specialized in resilience studies. After her own child died tragically in a car accident, she decided to turn her expertise and research skills to the subject of grieving. I'm grateful she did because this book is making my life bearable. She shines a light of hope, hope based on solid scientific studies, into a very dark subject.Most grief literature only makes things worse by laying out a pretty dismal future:You're not actually healing, it just feels that way because you're still in shockThe second year is going to be worsePeople will forget about you soon and go back to their livesIf you aren't weeping and wailing, you're avoiding your grief and it's going to cause problems laterThere are 5 stages of grief and you're going to wallow in each one for monthsMy personal favorite (not) is the "experts" talking about grief as complicated or prolonged, and all their evidence that suggests your life is going to be sh*t for a very long time.Taking those beliefs to heart can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you will be tormented for endless months by pain and despair, because that's what the experts say is normal, you will probably experience prolonged despair!This book is literally going to save your sanity. If you never read the book, please note this one, extremely potent point she makes early on: Grief researchers work almost exclusively with people who are experiencing complicated or prolonged grief. The rest of us get on with our lives without participating in grief studies. Therefore their research is based on observing the minority of grieving folks who really are dealing with extreme depths of despair. That tends to make their conclusions skewed about what "normal" grief is like and their solutions applicable only to a small subset of grieving people. Seems like an obvious point, right? But! That limited research has become the basis for what we accept as truth about the grieving process. In reality, most of us are not stuck in complicated grieving.Resilient Grieving is for the rest of us.Hone does a wonderful, albeit slightly technical, breakdown of the grieving process from an entirely new perspective - the effect of human resilience on grieving. She found no solid evidence to support the ideas of delayed grief and plenty to show that most people are resilient in the face of grief and return to normal, healthy functioning in a reasonable time. The good news is, resilience can be learned.Hone handles the topic of grief with tremendous grace and compassion. She never once downplays the depths of despair or anguish, and the complete life upheaval that comes with the loss of a loved one. She never tries to insinuate it is an easy or quick process. But she does offer compelling hope and a strong counterpoint to the accepted wisdom around what normal grieving looks like.If you believe (or even hope you can one day believe) that the human spirit is wired to cope with loss in a way that does not leave us devastated for life, please read this book.

I read many books about loss and grief but this book helped me find ways to keep going. I have recommended it to a number of people.

If u are a realist this is for u I recently had my partner pass and this is kind of like a study w some personal stuff also in it. I would say if ur looking for fluff this isn’t it

My cousin passed away totally unexpectedly, seven months ago.Just after that happened, I heard the author of this book being interviewed on a radio program. What a synchronous blessing that was! I bought a copy of this book for myself, and another for my cousin's wife - whose "word for the year" this year, oddly enough, was Resilience. She sure hadn't expected to have to apply her word to such a drastic situation as this, after more than 50 years of marriage to the man she loved!She and I both got so much benefit from this book. When the six-month anniversary of her husband's passing came, she texted me a photo of the three books that had helped her the most: "Resilient Grieving," Eben Alexander's "Proof of Heaven," and Heidi Paulec's "Abiding Light." I was grateful that the book I sent to her was one of her top three helpful books.Sometimes I've been resilient during times of devastating loss. Other times, I haven't. I can say from experience that resilience is definitely better. I am grateful for this book.

I began reading this book after my family had a house fire which resulted in my wife and 2 step daughters passing. I have incorrporated into my life pieces of advice such as, continuing to do things my daughters loved like going to the beach.

It’s useful to a point. There are so many references that makes reading a bit dry. Not enough personal experiences in my opinion. I’m still working through it as I’m grieving the loss of my 2 beautiful daughters. What I have learned is that if you are a positive person with lots of friends then the journey will be better for you. I have always been described as resilient myself which is why I was drawn to this book but I live alone and though I do my best to keep as positive as I am able, it’s just a lonely difficult road and I am grateful for the facts of the grieving process. It’s just going to be hard and it’s just going to hurt and your odds are better if you can surround yourself with people.

I lost my oldest son unexpectedly in March of 2018. Lucy's book was by far the most helpful in navigating the loss. There is no set process for grief, no timeline, and no steps you must go through. Grief is grief and we each walk through it differently, but this book helped me to put my strengths to work and to keep moving forward. Life doesn't end with the loss of a child, no matter their age, but it feels like it. However, one must persevere for those who remain. The sadness will always be a part of me. I know now though, that I can move through the ups and downs of sadness and always come out on the top of the wave. Thank you Lucy for writing this book. My heart goes out to you and all those who have lost a child. It is the most profound loss.

Great content of the book. Unfortunately I have counted 14 pages that are double printed making those pages unreadable.

I bought this and a whole bunch of other books on grief after our daughter was sadly stillborn this year. I don’t know what it was exactly about this book, but it helped me really turn a corner in a way no other book did. It is hard to read because of the way the author shares her own experience of grieving a tragic loss, but definitely worth it for me. It was this book that finally helped me accept what had happened and stop dwelling on ‘what ifs’. I’ve still got a long way to go, it hasn’t performed miracles! But it helped in a way nothing else did.

I was bought this by my best friend following the unexpected death of my mum last year. She told me she missed me, as although I was still around in body, my character and identity had gone. She spent a lot of time researching to find something practical for me as I work best when doing things like that. This book helped to bring me back, bit by bit. I didn't read it as a whole, but dipped in and read a chapter when I was having times of exceptional struggle and it helped. Facing what had happened felt impossible, but with the words written in these pages it slowly became possible. I ended up buying a copy for a colleague who went through a similar experience to my own and he also agreed, the content is useful and full of practical applications rather than empty platitudes. Please give it a go if you want to take control of your grief and not let it control you.

The book was clearly written and combined a sensitivity underpinned by a wide range of evidence. I lost my 22 year old daughter unexpectedly in January 2020, this book has given me the hope I needed to carry on. I have read it once quickly to gain an overview and will read it again to focus on the many sources referred to. The grief model at the end (with references back to the relevant pages in the book) will be really helpful when I want to look back over a particular section. Lucy - thank you, I hope I get to meet you someday your book has literally been a game changer for me in dealing with my grief.

This book cannot be recommended highly enough. It is a major resource for support and resilience in grieving, essential for this present moment of coronavirus and preparation for future happenings. Lucy Hone has offered us all a lifeline of ability to cope well in and with traumatic situations. She must be greatly thanked for sharing so generously and skillfully her resilience strategies and knowledge of grieving processes, sadly as a result of her own loss, for the benefit of us all.