Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

Before I read this book I was shy - "nice" - as this book calls it, but after the work I did on myself throughout this book, I can proudly say that I completely changed my behavior. I made it so good so i even bought this book to my friend who also struggles with niceness. So yes, this book is 500 pages, but with results like this, believe me it's worth reading even 1000 and 2000 pages. Anyone who wants to change should read this book, believe me it's worth it!

There have been a number of best selling books recently that speak words of wisdom of how to not give a F— in order to be free and live the good life. What those books leave out are the internal thought patterns that trap people in their heads and causes them to be nice to others even at their own expense. At first glance, ‘Not Nice’ appears to fit this pattern. Because only a jerk would want to not be nice to others right!? What makes Dr. Aziz’s approach different is that is explains in detail the reasons why we accommodate, appease, and seek people’s consideration and approval. The fact is we very much care about what people think of us and by pleasing others, giving them everything they want, and never creating discomfort, we will be accepted. Unfortunately, as many nice people know, always accommodating lowers your personal energy and leaves you drained. Eventually you become angry at others and yourself for allowing it to happen. Dr. Aziz lays out the reasons why we learned from an early age to be proper and respectful at times. It continues into adulthood where we experience anxiety and stress that consumes our social, romantic, and professional interactions. We become so pressured to be accepted by others that it manifests itself as physical symptoms that arise from this anxiety. Dr. Aziz shares his personal stories of anxiety causing symptoms because of the mental toll caused from always people-pleasing and always accommodating others. He lists the specific tools necessary to be your own #1 advocate and take better care of yourself without always feeling so guilt about this. Dr. Aziz makes it clear that making significant change takes direct action and consistency. Fortunately, he provides a multitude of case studies and scenarios to illustrate how to get started. In the second part of the book, Dr Aziz speaks on how to reshape your mentality and take action. It’s not about becoming mean or cold towards others. It’s about bringing your bold and authentic self into the light for others to appreciate. At the core of ‘Not Nice’ is a passionate plea to not compromise yourself in life. Only by acknowledging and accepting your thoughts and attitudes can you begin to advocate for yourself. I have noticed in my brief application of some techniques from this book, how people are surprised that I pushed back at a request or spoke for myself for a chance. The anxiety is still there but I feel better about it. Plus others respect me more than I thought they would. ‘Not Nice’ is an excellent and refreshing take on how to be your own best advocate. It’s well researched and contains a lot of material. But ultimately it’s just a guide; you still have to apply it in the real world consistently for it to work. If you are ready to step outside of your comfort zone to be a better you, this book is a great introduction.

I'm in my late 50s and just discovered this book. Wow, I could have used this book 40 years ago! But, I'm enthused to benefit from this valuable information and practical advice for the next 40 years. Although I can't relate to everything about being too nice, there are many areas where I can and am already applying what I've learned. That said, I like the first half of the book better than the rest. The second half is a bit verbose and often difficult to relate to. Overall, great book, but could have been written in less than 300 pages.

The author’s personal experience with being too nice and his anecdotes about his efforts to change being nice are very helpful and relatable. The exercises he gives make a huge difference. As he points out, if you just read the book without doing the work it’s not gonna make you stop putting other’s needs before your needs. I’ve learned a tremendous amount from this book and have made significant changes in how I relate to people, no longer believing I’m responsible for their happiness while they are only interested in making themselves happy. I followed the golden rule of doing onto others as I would have them doing to me expecting them to do the same in return. They didn’t. They took advantage of my goodness. This book opened my eyes to no longer believing people are selfless like I was. I know lots of people who think they are selfless, but are really selfish. They are also people who believe their victims because they don’t get their way but it’s just because they believe they have to get their way. I learned it’s my turn to get my way, to do what I want, and not let other people have their way just because they want it.

Love this book, read it last year and I think I'm gonna read it again this year. I still use the affirmations taught in this book, as well as some of the personal rights that apply to me. People can tell when someone isn't being authentic and it's uncomfortable being around a people pleaser. I was reading this book while at a remote job site and I began to notice myself trying to be a people pleaser, playing "nice" instead of being authentic, and I noticed other people doing it as well and it always created awkward situations. This book gave me the confidence to be more authentic while still being positive; to express myself while still respecting others, and that definitely created less awkward situations for me. I change the subject and end conversations when I want now and I do it all without feeling unnecessary guilt. It taught me not to replay conversations in my head wondering if I said something I shouldn't have said(a sign you're a people pleaser), as well as many other things. How? By helping me realize that I wasn't being myself in so many situations, then helping me SET my personal rights and boundaries so that I may start being authentic and continue to become better at being authentic. There's a huge sense of freedom when being authentic. So if you're tired of playing "nice" and ready to start feeling free, then this book is for you!

Not Nice is a powerful and eye opening book. It challenges the habit of people pleasing which I was or still guilty of and teaches you how to set boundaries without guilt. I have learned a lot about confidence, self-respect and speaking up for myself. It’s definitely worth reading.

Lo he comprado ya dos veces. Una en libro físico (lo tengo lleno de post-its y notas) y el otro en digital ... porque así me va más cómodo para resumir lo importante en una libreta.. Aziz es increíblemente sabio, ojalá tradujera sus libros al español y le viéramos más por redes, porque este hombre tiene MUCHO que ofrecer. Me ha ayudado enormemente su trabajo. Thanks Aziz!

I love how Dr.Aziz writes! His style is so fun and engaging and I can honestly say that this book is starting to change my life. Could not recommend it highly enough!!

I have suffered from being too nice and a people pleaser. I got reference of this book from a udemy course that I had taken up. I could relate with this book so much.. As I kept on reading I felt, yes it is me 101. I have read a book earlier on people pleasing but the difference between that book and this is it is from the author who himself has suffered from it, so the tips are so practical and so liberating once I started putting it in to action. I have found this book very useful and it has given me a new belief in my self and confidence. I am looking forward to read other books on confidence by Dr. Aziz.

This is by far my favorite book, I was educated to be nice, never knowing how to say no, this is a life changing book for me