The Polyamory Handbook: A User's Guide

This can answer 99% of the basic questions you might have on Polyamory. The other 99% is PRACTICE! :)

Good primer

Good guide. Use it with a combination of other sources.

I recently heard about polyamory and was curious (poly curious, as the poly folks describe people like me), so I read this book. It's a dry read, with lots of "X is discussed in section xxx, Y is discussed in section yyy, this section talks about Z" and "If A and B are in an exclusive relationship and B wants to start a relationship with C" sort of examples. But, it is exhaustive in covering the many permutations that humans with a bit of creativity seem to come up with. It also has an excellent section on safe sex and STDs. So, the book lives up to its title as a handbook.I'm still poly curious after reading the book; I now know more about it, which I think was the author's intent. The book is neutral about polyamory itself, simply providing information ABOUT polyamory, not about selling it. ie, neither pushing polyamory nor warning against. It simply says this is what it is and how to practice it ethically; take it or leave it, whatever is right for you. The book also talks more broadly about various types of alternative relationships, acknowledging that there are no strict boundaries, but still differentiating between open, swinging and polyamorous relationships.

I was curious about this subject and was on the fence as to whether or not an open relationship or polyamory were for me. I've read a few other books that I thought were really good but this book, I just did not like. This book full of things I suppose a person who is considering this "lifestyle" would want to know but where this book falls short in my mind is that it rationalizes behavior that is essentially dishonest.For example "IF A and Y are in a relationship that A thinks is exclusive but Y is telling people that they have an open relationship is it wrong for Z to have a threesome with Y and D if Z only has sex with D" The author, who is Z, says "no it isn't wrong because he is only having sex with D and what D and Y do, is none of his business."Noooo, it is Z's business. And it most certainly is "A's" business. Z is the "accessory" to the crime. Just because he (Z) is only have sex with D doesn't negate the fact that he is knowingly helping Y and D deceive A.That is the problem with a lot of books on open relationships. There are a lot of "buts." For a "lifestyle" that likes to trumpet that it is ethical, all about communication, about being free, there is a lot of rationalization about unethical behavior.Dena

Updated: I would add that this is a great book for people who already have some experience with polyamory, but not the best for folks that are just curious and want to read about how others practice this relationship style.Wonderful book. Well written, practical advice, interesting read.Very helpful and informative. Also has ideas for relationship agreements, problem solving in arguments, and great resources.Thank you for writing this book Peter Benson!