Leaving Home: The Art of Separating From Your Difficult Family

I am amazed and grateful for the depth of analysis the author goes through, by providing real life examples of the patients. And what amazes me the most is the accurate predictions of the rationalizations and defenses emotionally starved adult children will use. - lot of them I deny. The concept of the wounded self and hopeful self are awesome. For me especially, I did not know the adverse impacts of hopeful self constructs an illusion of hope or love. I also appreciate the author’s incredible honesty which warns the abused adult children to forgo the hope of seeking justice, revenge, compensation, or imagined love from the parents who have not shown much evidence in the past few decades. The acceptance of this helps me to understand that there’s an way out, and that I absolutely need to let go of those illusions so as to not waste the time-limited rest of my life.

I am an adult struggling to break my attachment to an abusive family. David Celani does an excellent job at describing how an abused child can grow up to become more dependent on a dysfunctional family than a child who was not abused. He offers understanding and examples of how several of his patients broke their bond to unloving parents. This is a must read for anyone struggling to be free and lead the best life they can, despite childhood trauma.

I don't even know where to begin in reviewing this book. I have about 10 pages left and I don't want the book to end. NEVER in my lifetime have I been helped as this in depth wisdom has on so many levels. I literally highlighted every page. No, I don't still live in my parents home physically but yes, I still live in my family home emotionally. I wish I had read this book when I was 20 instead of now, decades later - in my older years. But then I do know that wisdom arrives when we are able to absorb it.I will be rereading this book many times and I hope for the healing and change of life that I need. I hope that the deep wisdom and truth resonates to help me continue to change and to stop, once and for all, expecting to find any love in my birth family. It does not exist there, it never did.Thank you David Celani - just don't have enough words to express my appreciation. I hope that you have another book I can read to help continue this evolution towards healing.

Doesn’t seem to consider that everyone is born different. Sometimes the issues the child has stem from biochemical abnormalities or an inherent oppositional disorder. Number 36 in the series “Blame the Parents!”

Thank you for the gift of this book! I cut off communication with my family of origin 3 years ago (I am now 31 yrs old) with the help and guidance of my psychologist, but have longed for these exact words to bring meaning and understanding to it all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this book. I have found very limited literature on this "taboo" act of ceasing communication with my dysfunctional family of origin, as so many, as you say in your book, claim that you must make "amends" with your family of origin. I beg to differ if that family is full of mental illness that members refuse to recognize, emotional abuse that is mostly directed at the "peace keeper" (formerly me), and if I literally become suicidal after every encounter with them. My life simply depended on me cutting off communication with them. My therapist knew this, and my mind knew this before my heart did/has. My heart was/is still a little girl longing for a mother who tends to my needs perhaps even once a week instead of her own 100% of the time. But I digress. So thank you for showing me I am not alone, nor am I wrong. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I first read his other book for therapists about Fairbairn. That was great but some readers find it tough to sort through.This book starts with a story about a young man who is good looking, talented, and just can't seem to grow into his own independent life--he buys a house right next door to his parents, who never really gave him what he wanted. Why move closer to those who you know aren't going to give you what you need? This paradoxical situation is explained very well.This would be a great book for people who have chosen a few partners who berated or undermined.Would be great for ACoAs to get a better grasp on how the inconsistent parenting leads to odd behaviors in the children, now adults.

This book beautifully articulates the dilemma of being incomplete from insufficient parenting---of having big holes in you that have to be circumnavigated as a young person with no help from your family. Problems of a lack of emotional integration, missing social skills, non-existent self-worth, inner unreliability, feelings of too much or too little trust, poor confidence, intolerance of vulnerability, over-sensitivity. So many problems unique to growing up with either abuse or negligence. I feel it's taken me most of my life to get a handle on these issues. The only negative about this book is that it wasn't around sooner. It's downright comforting to know that these things come up for others in similar circumstances and that you're not alone!

If you're confused about the confusion about the heartbreak when it comes to separating from family, especially if your childhood was full of pain, this book ABSOLUTELY explains why. The awareness of the situation and the turmoil which goes on within an adult child coming from a home of abuse or neglect shines a bright light on the question many ask. Why do I keep going back for more? It helps the adult learn to deal with feelings when with family and not get sucked back into the old family dynamic and then wonder what in the world hit him or her again. This is an absolute must read for anyone who misses parents who were not capable of being there in the way children need growing up. Anyone who is trauma bonded or just heartbroken over the abandonment suffered in childhood which carries emotionally into adulthood. It helps makes sense of what otherwise may not for a long time. Best wishes to you in your recovery. Thank you very much for this amazing gift, David Celani!

I would recommend this book for people who practise psychotherapy and also people who would like to learn something about themselves. I was just curious, but became surprised by how much I came to understand myself and people around me after reading this book. The author has a wealth of experience, and their narrative voice is assured and trusting. This book is absolutely full of wisdom and lessons for anyone to learn.

Th book has good case examples. Clear explanations given. Was a little shorter than I expected, overall good and easy to read.

Great book. A good book for individuals negotiating lives with difficult family members, especially those experiencing strained relationships with difficult parents. Also a really good book for the professionals such as psychologists and counsellors working with these individuals and wanting to understand their lives and their difficulties in separating themselves from family who are not good for them. Finally, important too for both the client and professional to understand as the nature of the task ahead of them within the therapeutic alliance for the individual with difficult family to move to a place psychologically where they can feel free to live their own separate lives. I only wish that final chapter, also called Leaving Home, was a little bit longer and that there were a few more case studies here to do with successfully "leaving home". Still, definitely a book worth owning and it was well worth the price of buying it, particularly at it's currently reduced price.

I really wanted to like this book but I threw it aside after a while. For the part that I did read, I really appreciate how the book pointed out that it's usually the worst parents who oppose you separating from your parents. Otherwise, his writing was more like a scholarly study and talking about his experience with clients rather than a therapy book.

I bought this to help a friend leave his controlling parents, and it put into words all the conclusions I had already come to about what was going on, and then some. A previous reviewer criticised Celani's references to biographical works of novelists, but I couldn't think of a better way to have given interesting examples of his explanations in action and see nothing wrong with that. My friend has now set a date to move out by, and things are looking up for him. Eventually, he'll read the book himself once he's ready.